Bernie Addresses Followers Thursday Night, Concedes Jack $#@!

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has all but won the Democratic Party’s nomination for President of The United States of America.

Not including the highly contentious un-pledged super delegate count, Clinton is but a handful of votes away from securing the nomination over populist and anti Wall-Street candidate, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders.  In fact Sanders and Clinton have already privately visited and discussed the coming months ahead even discussing the dangers of electing somebody who compulsively writes his name in gold like a boy who compulsively writes his name in the snow with his pee pee.  Yes, Clinton has won the contest - almost.

However, despite her precarious, dubious, and legally-questionable success, and Sander’s commitment to unify the party against Führer Trump, Sanders has neither dropped out of the race nor endorsed Clinton.  So what the hell is he doing?  With no mathematical chance in sight what appears to be happening is he’s doing what many of his supporters will acrimoniously incinerate him for if he does not: take this nomination to the god damned Democratic National Convention (DNC) in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on July 25th.  In fact, the mantra as Bernie often uses, “This movement is not about me. It’s about us” has been taken so seriously by supporters that his unwilling martyrdom may very well be the price he pays if he does not book a one-way ticket to Philly next month.

It’s no secret, but it may be a surprise to many that the Democratic party doesn’t really like Bernie Sanders.  Aside from limiting the number of debates from 26 in 2008 to today’s meager 9 in an effort to capitalize on Clinton’s name recognition and keep voters uninformed in the dark asking “Bernie who?”, the DNC has used its ties to major media outlets like the NY Times, MSNBC, CNN, the Washington Post and more to speak about Sanders like he is some kind of communist meth-addicted unicorn… is he real?  If he were real, do you even want to meet him?  The answer is no.  Nobody wants to meet Bernie, the communist-meth-addicted-unicorn-Sanders.  

Additionally, many voters have been given the wrong ballots at many polls, assuming that your poll is not one of the growing trend of soon-to-be-shuttered polling locations that are supposedly so costly these days.  Perhaps you were a voter who knew where your polling location was, but sadly you are an independent, realizing years ago the system is “tow-up, from the flow-up” (note: in the biz we call that “waking up”), and therefore could not participate in democracy today.  Come back next time when an eccentric billionaire decides to buy his way into an Independent spot on the ballot.  Maybe your registration to vote was straight up purged or maybe you belong to a state where when you did vote the privately operated voting machines which for whatever reason still have technology dating BACK TO THE ATARI simply misunderstood your “Sanders” vote for a “Clinton” vote.  Tragic.  Exit polling from dozens of states do not match machine totals, multiple boards of elections have been caught faking numbers during public audits - denying their involvement much the same way I do when I get caught fornicating with a giant chocolate cake - deny, deny, deny, and then insult their intelligence, “Oh, I guess you’re just the expert on chocolate cake sex!”

Honest mistakes that could happen to anyone - like the way babies get shaken.

Here’s what we know:
Hillary is the red to our blue.
She is the Bonnie to Trump’s Clyde.
She’s a fire-breathing, trade-dealing imperialist with a penchant for coup d’état.
The matchmaker to the illusory job-maker, there is not one truly progressive bone in her body.

It’s not only possible that this war-hungry, moral void of a human didn’t actually win, but increasingly likely that she didn’t.  Likewise, it’s not only possibly that this democracy-depraved, spineless entity called the Democratic Party is not only ironically un-democratic, but actually quite disdainful of peasants like you and me.  It would be funny if it weren’t so epically fucked.

There are critics who have called Bernie Sanders a “sheepdog”, meant to bring in outsiders to the Democratic party, a party who has become increasingly erotically turned on by the power of the money of corporations, banks, and aforementioned eccentric billionaires (who by the way always talk about donating their wealth, and rarely do - much like my reading habits).  That’s the shit-ish news as opposed to shitty news, because while it could be true, and shame on Sanders if it is, we just don’t know yet.  The good news is that this movement really is about us and our beautiful mashup of talents - and no one person.  And isn’t that how every good thing should be?  You and I are like water molecules in a wave, Bernie being but one more molecule… a vast, dispersed network of little bits of energy where every single action has a positive or negative momentum and has the power to work in communion… and 99% of this wave is about to smash 1% of it and about to blast into dark matter an even more finite 1% of 1% of this deeply flawed wave example.  That’s why we all love Bernie.  He brought the proverbial tsunami on the 0.01%.  You know who I’m talking about: the types of rich people who could cure AIDS between breakfast and lunch, but instead opt to hunt humans on a private island for sport.

I know you think you are just one person.  And quite literally, you are just one person - unless you’re a conjoined twin or have multiple personalities or something - whatever, all good things.  And I know you’ve got work, kids, PTA and AA meetings, little league games and chronic headaches.  You’re over-extended.  But I can promised you this, if we do not begin to organize against the banks, the fossil fuel industry, the zillionaire class, and an entire political system that reifies every day that he or she with the most toys probably has the biggest and most well-deserved penis (women included) we will continue this trend of losing time with our families.  We will continue this trend of losing our homes, our vacation, sick and hourly pay, our minds and our souls.  We must fight back, and the first thing we can do is to stop being accomplices in this broken system.

Here’s the Majority Villain 3-Step Plan:

1. Tell every Democrat you are leaving the Democratic Party and will not support Clinton.
2. Sign the pledge from RAP and donate to fund the revolution.
3. Travel to Philly for the July 25-28th DNC, and protest the shit out of that place.

Want to do more?  The revolution will not be televised, because it will happen on social media.  Use every platform you can, and be on the digital front lines of the revolution.
#OccupyDNC #SeeYouInPhilly #BernieOrBust #Guccifer2 #OurRevolution #GoGreen619 #RevolutionOrBust #ExitPollGate #FBImWithHer #JusticeForBerta

Please send all feedback and chocolate cake inquiries to